night owl

I have a bad habit of going out in the evening, usually alone. As a young woman with not that much muscle or defense skills, it can get scary. But as the cliché saying by Sarah Williams goes, “I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” Sometimes, I have a friend with me.

I don’t seek out clubs or crazy parties (got no money for that). But rather, I seek out stories and art. And everything I see on the way to them is pretty enough to draw me back for more.


why am I like this, packing version

I’m fucking ridiculous, I can’t with myself most of the time.

In order to pack for my study abroad trip I did this shit:

  • Drove over 500 miles to do my shopping
  • Test the drying time on my athletic pants
  • Weighed my two books (Les Miserables abridged and People’s History are 1.3 kg / 3 lbs total)
  • Had a better time packing my clothes than anything else

More than half of my luggage was my toiletries, which weighed anywhere between 11-15 kg / 22-33 lbs
My clothes probably weight 7 kg / 15 lbs
I definitely had to use my two luggage allowance to get all my shit to Australia…but hopefully the flight out will be easier

another mediocre student travel blog

My annual post quota (1) is met with this little thing.

I will be studying at University of Queensland (Brisbane, Australia) from Feb to June 2018. Then I hope to cram in a trip back to the motherland of Southeast Asia before I face my death senten–I mean–last year of university. I want to be cliché (avec l’accent aigu! oooo~) and do that travel blog thing.

Luckily this blog is already a hot mess of things (“bricolage” if you wanna be pretentious), so I can just write needlessly long (“verbose” if you want a word for that) posts during my travels. I get too stressed about curating my photos and writing witty captions for Instagram. So everything that’s not ~pretty pretty insta worthy~ will be chucked here.

[side note: I will still try to make things on here look pretty but not at the same level of instagram. Also, I made a promise to a friend to start journaling, like bullet journaling. I figured since I will be trying to do that, I might as go all the way with the pinterest student aesthetic.]

I survived my first solo international trip this past summer (July-Aug 2017). I hope I can survive this with less travel mishaps, but as much good karma and funny stories like this:

My flight got pushed back over 24h.
I don’t know how I feel about it since I didn’t get enough sleep and feel extremely hangry.
If someone runs me over right now, I would thank them
12 Aug 2017

Thank you all for caring about me! I am safe, fed, and warm. American Airlines’ 26h 50min delay led them to put me in a vvvv ritzy hotel for one night. I am milking this once-in-a-lifetime experience for all its worth. TST has me back for one night and I am so happy. I am probably the happiest person on the delayed trip because I don’t mind taking my time to go home.
12 August 2017


Don’t be a dick, and be especially kind to people in customer service. Build that good karma.
I waited to the bitter end of the shitshow that was last night’s delay. My patience was rewarded with a free night and meals a fucking 5 star hotel! Like how the fuck—I ain’t even mad about the 5h wait I went through. I left as the happiest person ever. I milked this once-in-a-lifetime experience for all its worth. I will never forget this because I probably will never be able to afford it.
Thank you to Cherry for checking me in. Thank you to Kenneth for answering my dumb questions. Thank you to Sunny for allowing me to come in at the last minute and making me a bombass mojito. MAJOR thank you Jacky and Rachel (Yi) for being patient with my order even when the kitchen was closing [I can 100% relate bc I serve/work closing shifts]. Thank you Rachel (manager) and closing staff of Tapas Bar for being so wonderful about feeding me. I wish you all easy shifts.
13 August 2017

What are some trite posts on every travel blog known to the internet?
Oh yeah, “how to’s” for packing and travel trips or whatever.

I will definitely be doing that, more to take inventory of everything I have rather than to help others. Mostly because I habitually overpack and hold my toiletries near and dear to me.


Post-Election 2016

My feelings about this Election are hard to articulate. I am a mix of shock, anger, sadness, disappointment, grief, faith, and hope.

I am shocked by the rampant misogyny and white supremacy in this nation. Shock meaning extremely disappointed and speechless. I had hoped that, considering the vast number of Bernie supporters and progressives, Hillary Clinton could win in critical states. I can only assume Trump voters prioritized certain issues and privileges over others.

That makes me angry. At them. Then at me for being angry at them. My anger is split. I want to be angry at the people who voted for Trump because we all know his presidency will be an even worse shitshow than his campaign. But then again, I don’t want to fully engage in that behavior. The class acts of Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama remind me at all times to take the high road. Because as members of marginalized groups, we can’t really sink to the levels of Trump. So yes, I’m expressing my frustration toward voters. However, there is nothing we can do about it now. Clinton won the popular vote, which means a majority of Americans wanted a president who was a woman, progressive (more or less), and inclusive (again more or less).

I grieve her loss. I supported Bernie and begrudgingly supported her. She and I have different stances on a number of issues. However, I respected her. She is one of the most amazing politicians of our time, an absolute political lion. She was forced to take on traditionally masculine qualities that so clearly dominate our political system. She is a fighter in every sense of the word. I thank her for her efforts.

Clinton’s progress in the presidential election is monumental! She is probably over-qualified for the position of president. Her ability to inspire almost everyone, even some of her opponents, is powerful. The trail she blazed won’t be taken for granted.

I have great hope in my generation, the majority of 18-25 year olds in 2016.I have faith in us. I have faith in the people of America, not the “True Americans,” but the ones who care about the people and the land more than the symbols of privilege. The people of the First Nations combating colonialism and genocide for centuries. The refugees escaping religious persecution, natural disaster, and warfare. The free people making a good life for themselves where they can love and laugh. The immigrants coming to create a better life for their families. The laborers working their fingers to the bone to make a good living. I have faith that they will take care of and protect others from harm and hate.

We can rise to the occasion. We can change things by continuing to uplift each other. We can support candidates that combat racism, sexism, anti-semitism, homophobia, and xenophobia. We can become those candidates. We need to nurture the hell out of each other the next few years. We can’t expect anything from our governments (oh the irony?). We need to organize.

Speaking for an Asian American perspective:

We inherited from our ancestors the resilience and strength to endure.

We inherited from our people the power to love and resist against hate and bigotry.

We have overcame worse and we will do it again.

America won’t stop changing. Americans won’t stop diversifying. We will bring a new era of radical love.


Brandon Li Oda

He is a writer I have admired for quite some time. Most of his writing have disappeared after he fell off the face of Tumblr (and what seems like the internet). However, many of his poignant posts and blurbs still live on through the screencaps and reblogs of others. His words really motivated me, even if they aren’t the best. And though they are quite angsty, they are also mellow. His advice is reasonable and simple. It’s something I look back on when I feel like I’m losing my way because it’s strangely comforting.

This is some advice he had for college freshmen which I dug up. Being at that level in this moment, I really want to keep this on my blog to look back on.

The most important things in life that you need to know won’t be taught in school–they will be taught through people and experiences, loss and gain, and some more loss. Experience is priceless. Study abroad if you can. Travel as much as you can…Don’t fall into the illusion that numbers and grade reflect your worth. The default path of education is not the same path to happiness, that’s a different road…And remember that it’s okay to feel lost.

This is not the last you have heard from him, whether from himself or from me. It all depends on time.


My tongue is dry, my heart is bitter. Stay away from my poisonous mind.

You were warned.
The title should have scared you off.
If you weren’t then you should be pleasantly surprised to know that I am not that threatening. I’m as threatening as a feral kitten in a world of worse creatures, terrorism, and American presidential candidates.
My pretty little metaphor was a distraction from the real problem, like most of everything I say. Pardon my bitter spirit. It is almost midnight and I cannot hold in my bad vibes as I have done for more than a year now.

I want to let go of some of my worries. I want someone to talk to when I am troubled. However, in the age of text messaging when you want here hear/see people, I find speaking to be a challenge. My tongue is dried from the inside out. My words are stuck in the base of my throat, struggling. I refrain from letting them all out at once, allowing a few to come out into the open air. The rest rots and seeps into my heart, making it swell with bitterness and resentment. Those feeling make their way into my mind with every heartbeat, like poison killing me slowly but effectively. Dramatic, yes. Hopefully, it illustrates my challenge with opening up about my troubles well enough.

As for my troubles: My obsessive-compulsive tendencies are affecting my ability to get work done. Fear of having my GPA plummet has got me in a constant state of panic. I need more sleep, because my constant fatigue is inhibiting my ability to complete assignments. I just want to have friends who I can call to talk about my problems, but I don’t want to disturb them. (This has always been an issue.) My need of money and experience outweighs my need for self-care because I was raised to be like that. I don’t want for people to tell me what to do, I just want ears from certain friends. There are some people who I can see myself having this relationship with. There are many who I do not have that kind of relationship with.

I don’t have a clear idea of what I’m trying to say. O what midnight musings do to me.


After 2015

This year has been eye opening. Everything that’s happened in the media, in the streets, and in my home.

First and foremost

Let’s talk about me.

Look back on the past year, I want to celebrate some achievements: 5th anniversary of overcoming my eating disorder, 1st anniversary of my blog, going to college, and coming out as asexual.

Moreover, the twists of fate I have encountered in the past year revealed parts of me that I didn’t know existed. I am still trying to process somethings I learned about myself this past year. I should never be ashamed of my parents’ professions; they are proud of me as much as I am of them. I am jealous and petty but it’s still possible for me to get over those feelings. I am lovable but I’m not meant to find love anytime soon. I am a hopeless romantic and asexual, odd combination but that doesn’t mean I can’t build a life for myself. I am getting better at recovering from episodes of depression and anxiety. My struggles have made me more complex and empowered; they gave me more character and I am forever grateful for that.


New Friends + Mentors

The people I have met this past year inspire me to be more creative. I want to learn more about photography and filming making, rather than critiquing photos and films. I want to do more crafts and make little pieces of art. Of course, I want to get better at writing as a budding academic and as a blogger. With their support, I am ready to finish some old projects and start some new ones.


The social and political movements I have been caught up in have taught me so much about the importance of justice, democracy, love, and respect. I really want to do more on the streets and on my campus to promote that.

These are exciting times. I don’t want to miss a single moment.